Spring of 2025 was heartbreaking.   In March, our family lost my stepmom, who was hands down one of the best moms, wives, and grandmas that you would ever hope to meet.    She was a true matriarch.   We weren't sure how to operate without her after she was gone.

In May, just 7 short weeks later, my father died.   I'd known that that was going to be a strong possibility.   He had just buried the love of his life, but he was doing okay and I thought maybe he'd be okay.  Turns out he wasn't okay.

To say that these losses left a hole in my heart is an understatement.   I miss them so much that it's a physical ache.  My father had been my anchor.  My safe haven.  In a childhood full of dysfunction, he had been the person who made me know I was loved.  

I was reeling.   Randomly crying every day.   Grieving.

Spring and summer are always my favorite seasons, but not this year.   I was struggling with my emotions and also trying to navigate the ins and outs of figuring out all of the estate stuff.  Every single day was a reminder of what our family had lost.

And then, before I knew it, summer was over.   My husband and I took a week to go to the beach and our kids and grands were going to join us for Labor Day weekend.  It was an amazing week.  Time alone with my husband at the beginning and then family time at the end to close out the summer.   As I sat on the beach one day, I reflected on the summer.   

At the risk of sounding Pollyannaish, I smiled to myself.   Because it had been the second hardest summer of my life.   And yet, there had been so much good.

And, as I considered this, I knew that Phyllis, my stepmom, was smiling down on me.   As much as she worried about things, she also looked for the silver lining in each situation.   She'd be happy that I was doing just that.

Here were some of my silver linings in a hard hard summer:

1. My husband was there every single step of the way.   And when I say he had my back?   He literally had my back.   His hand was on my back for the duration of my father's funeral.   I felt it there.   I knew he was there.   He was strong and I was able to lean against him.  I know any good husband would do this and that should be the expectation.   But, when you are in the situation and it's happening, you are extremely grateful nonetheless.
2. My sons were there every single step of the way.   They have jobs and families, but they dropped everything.   And my amazing daughters in law held down their individual forts and supported me and their husbands.  Again, I know good kids would do this and that's the expectation but when it's happening in the situation, you are beyond grateful.   
3. Our extended family became closer.   Rather than arguing over the estate and the house and whatever else, we did what our parents wanted us to do.   My sister is now living in their house.  And we are working as a team to figure it all out together.    None of us had any idea how to do this.   But, we're doing it.  And have gotten closer in the process.
4. I made a new friend - my stepmom's BFF.   She's a new person in my world and I'm very grateful for her.
5. I did things this summer for no other reason than the fact that they gave me pleasure.   I read a LOT of books.   I started doing jigsaw puzzles and joined a few jigsaw trade and giveaway groups on Facebook.   I ramped up my morning walking and am walking longer and more frequently.   I am taking care of myself and doing things that I enjoy in the process.
6. I started volunteering for the local shelter for women who are victims of domestic violence.  It's something I've always wanted to do and there is no reason for me not to be doing it now.

I still cry.   I miss my dad and Phyllis.   But, I also wake up each morning, looking forward to the day.   We never know how much time we have left.   It could be a day or it could be 30 years.  Either way, I'm going to make sure that I'm doing what I want to be doing each day.  I don't necessarily love every activity in my day each day.   But I will make sure to carve out time each day to be doing something for no other reason than that it gives me pleasure.

Take a moment and reflect on what you are grateful for at this exact moment in time.   And do the things that bring you joy.   We often have to give ourselves permission to do these things.   It's okay.

Do them.